All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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