there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
