I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
