dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
