Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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