You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
