My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
