he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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