First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
