So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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