If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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