Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
