Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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