life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
how can u be prego again
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
