I've blown a few things in my day
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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