Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
someone owes me an orgasm
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
