You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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