I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You are the jesus of drinking
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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