this beer tastes like vomit already
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
