what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
