I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
