I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
