all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
But break dance skills will only take you so far
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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