He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
