There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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