you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
