No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
