WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
