Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
