The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
