he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
