The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
