All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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