I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
