while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
