I hope mine doesn't look like that
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
