so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
