At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
