I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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