In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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