Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
