So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
