i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
