At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
