Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
