My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
