Pants 0. Shit 1.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
