Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
