wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
