Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
