would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
