Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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